I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Who died my cat blue again?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
