she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
