So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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