sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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