I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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