If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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