Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
