You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
