I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
