ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
