Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
