And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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