i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
