I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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