I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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