TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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