This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
