This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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