Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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