Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was confusing and full of hummus
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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