did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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