How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
