I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
