This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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