He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
