First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
