fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
