Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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