Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
