i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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