So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just high enough for therapy.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
