i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
