I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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