No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
