No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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