either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
