I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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