just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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