Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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