I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
COCAINE IS GR8
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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