Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
