and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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