there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
