She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
