I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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