he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
