All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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