I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
