I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
