Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
