U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
