WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
