Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
