GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
