I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
