so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
