Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
