I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
