I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
