Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
