I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
